@lovethynerd
Love Thy Nerd
Love Nerds + Engage Culture + Build Community

Relationship Building Through TTRPGs

When I got married, I thought my nerdiness would need toning down. I would stop gaming. I would become an “adult.” However, as I journeyed through the beginning of our marriage, I realized that, for me, gaming was a lifeline. Eventually, my wife Stephanie and I both realized that gaming helped us destress, stay sane, and grow closer together. We just moved from controllers to tabletops—a small step that has made a huge difference. With tabletop games, especially tabletop role-playing games (TTRPGs), we take a break from our everyday lives. Stephanie has documented a bit of this journey in her LTN article, Games are Good. I thought I’d add a bit to it and talk about how TTRPGs have really changed the game for our relationship.

My first time playing a TTRPG was in seminary, of all places. I spent a summer overseas and my roommate for a few weeks was an avid Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) player. He ran me through a one shot, and I knew that TTRPGs would forever be in my life. I loved the RPGs I played while growing up over the years (especially Japanese RPGs), and the hands-on approach to D&D really opened up the RPG genre to me in all arenas. Eventually, I led my own campaign for some seminary students during my last year in school.

Jonathan and his wife Stephanie’s game table during a round of Stuffed Fables

But playing TTRPGs was always something I did. Stephanie didn’t really play. It was overwhelming for her. Too many choices and too much unknown. Couple that with her struggles with anxiety, and she didn’t really have the emotional energy to invest in something so foreign to her. She’d never really played RPGs growing up, and she struggled with the video game RPGs that we’d played together.

Flash forward a few years. Stephanie befriended one of the nerd moms at her school. They talked about their husbands, who were huge nerds, and Stephanie signed us up for a D&D campaign run by her new friend’s husband. We began the process of character creation, which can be intimidating for any new player. We nailed it down, we played a game, and she saw the beauty of TTRPGs. Some of the highlights from the game for her were the camaraderie playing with a group of people, the problem solving aspect of facing party challenges, and the creativity needed to come up with RP reasons for why our characters did what they did.

Playing TTRPGs has opened up new avenues for relationship building.

This experience led to our taking Stuffed Fables off our shelf of shame, which was also a fun experience because of the pared-down RPG aspects. Stuffed Fables and games like it have the feel of an RPG without the need for complicated character creation and a Dungeon Master (DM).

Now, we have dice scattered throughout the house, on the verge of becoming dice collectors before our budget reigned us in. Still, playing TTRPGs has opened up new avenues for relationship building, which was good for us. As introverts, initiating relationships can be difficult, and building them even more difficult. TTRPGs take away some of the awkwardness and anxiety when it comes to interacting with other people. They also have given us a deeper insight into ourselves individually and our relationship—one of the many benefits of playing TTRPGs.

We are better people now that we play TTRPGs together. I know this isn’t for everyone or for every couple, but I am so glad that it’s something we can do together.





Associate Editor
Jon Campoverde is a high-school science teacher who spends most of his time reading and playing any game he can with the occasional writing project when he finds the time. Jon lives with his wife Stephanie in North Texas with their daughter, three cats, and one dog. You can find him on Twitter @jcamp_over_day or on Twitch @ twitch.tv/Allention

Reader Comments

Related Content

Free Play 32 | Lost Episode | Right-Out-of-the-Box Games (with Justin Bowers)

In this lost episode from the earlier days of the Free Play Podcast, Bubba, Matt & Kate welcome Justin Bowers to discuss games perfect for family gatherings - ones that you can play easily right out of the box.

Dungeons & Dragons | The Complete LTN Resource List

We here at Love Thy Nerd love D&D and we love people who love D&D! Here is a complete list of our Dungeons & Dragons articles, podcasts, and videos to help the uninitiated learn more about the game, and to help those who love the game defend it and enjoy it even more.

3 Nerdy Tips for Boosting Your Mental Health

With Mental Health Awareness Month in view, Chief Social Media Nerd Kate Kadowaki has 3 nerdy tips for how you can boost your mental health.

Back Row 481 – 484 | Nerds We Don’t Understand (Yet)

Since joining Love Thy Nerd, Radio Matt & Mo have been exploring the depths of their nerdiness. But they have also come to realize that there are several areas where their nerdiness comes up… shallow. Of course, not all nerds like all nerd things, but it's never a bad time to try to expand our knowledge on subject we don’t understand. This week, Radio Matt & Mo will be taking a deeper look into parts of nerd culture they are less familiar with and see if there is something there that interests them.

Church Nerds 73 | Fantastic People and Where to Find Them

The Church Nerds use "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" to launch into a discussion on how to discover people who may be misunderstood, but have so much to offer - in the world at large and in the church body.

Nerd Culture Moms on the D&D Alignment Spectrum

Church Nerds 72 | Hawt, Juicy Gossip

With social media and news dominated by the Depp/Heard trail, it makes us think about scandal and rumors and why they fascinate us. The Church Nerds ask: How does our faith affect whether or not we watch, listen, or take part in these things?

Church Nerds 71 | Apologizing for Apologetics

We all know that one nerd who knows so much about their fandom that having a conversation with them is no fun. The Church Nerds ask if Christian apologists fall into this same problem? When and where are the best times to teach apologetics and how can we avoid weaponizing them?